This Floating Excrement Was Way Too Meaningful! These Are the Television Disappointments of the Past Year.

As we reflect on the television landscape of the recent year, a handful of series emerge not for their excellence, but for their spectacular failures. From cringe-inducing spin-offs to bafflingly bad docuseries, here are the productions that left us scratching our heads or simply reaching for the remote.

The 'Sex and the City' Sequel

How to start with this divisive follow-up? Plagued with woeful scripts, painful arcs (justice for Miranda!), and a mere 71 seconds of beloved Samantha, the series fought to justify its existence. For a moment, as the final season began, it looked like it had finally hit its stride. Then came an installment centered on Seema’s natural deodorant. Little surprise the creator declared this would be the last season. It ended on a bum note; the lingering shot of Miranda’s toilet flooded with poo was simply too symbolic. Yet, fans certainly had a hoot picking apart every single “wtf?” moment. And as Carrie – once again single – danced around her sprawling townhouse to Barry White, who couldn't let out a small sob?

All’s Fair

‘Is Kim Kardashian an actress? The answer is a resounding no.’

But that was almost the smallest of this show's problems. The subject of a exceedingly uncommon no-star assessment, it was hard to know where to begin listing the problems. The laughably leaden dialogue? The tedious veneration of affluence and materialism? The seemingly deliberate procession of cliches? Performances so bad they felt almost malicious? Suffice it to say “all of the above” and forget about this show again. However, a new season has been commissioned, so we’re probably going to have to.

The Charlie Sheen Documentary

Given the restraining orders, domestic violence claims and fatherly failures, it’s reasonable to say Charlie Sheen has been a troubled figure. Not you’d truly have gleaned it from this multi-part docuseries which smirked its way at Sheen’s various bouts of self-destructive hedonism while struggling to tell us a single thing we weren't already aware of. Instead, it felt as if this loose cannon was being indulged, so any pity this show might induce should be saved for the people who have had to suffer close contact with this charming but flippant narcissist.

The Supercomputer Drama

Naturally we understood it was preposterous from the outset: a thriller about a supercomputer known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either save the world – or annihilate all of humanity. We stuck with it out of pure love for its leads … but by the end, it felt like even they had stopped bothering. One barely cared when his character died, and the other ended up hacking Charlie with an axe … in painfully slow-motion. That's what you call admitting defeat.

MobLand

Dodgy figures convening in deserted boxing gyms? The Prodigy’s Firestarter jackhammering away in club scenes? The late 90s called and wants its gangland drama back.

Actually, that is harsh on the gangland dramas of the late 90s. Many seem a bit dated now, but at least they didn’t endure the embarrassment of having to indulge unconvincing dialects. But there were many other issues. Primarily that it was just really boring; a dispute over narcotics territory between various London rogues which seemed rather simplistic.

The Meghan Markle Series

Given the extent to which she grinds the gears of certain ostentatiously enraged commentators, it’s temptingly tempting to admire the Duchess of Sussex’s various forays into quaint homemaking as deliberate statements. But then you view them and are forced to admit that in this case, they may have a point. It’s like watching a lifestyle magazine animated; a poster for evening drinks with delusions of grandeur; a parade of snoozing dogs, buzzing beehives, sentimental sayings and forgettable crafting “hacks” you’ll not remember instantly. All underpinned by immense, largely unearned wealth. Ugh.

The Beckham Documentary

There are obviously fascinating things to be said about regarding Victoria Beckham and her struggles with career, self-image, self-worth. But for whatever reason, this documentary series opted not to explore them. Rather, the viewing was like consuming a sales catalogue. She clearly has every right to bridle at what she describes as her “miserable cow” image. But unfortunately, she didn’t do herself any helps with this guarded letdown of a series.

The Game Show

It should have been the next big hit – except even camper, with a famous star as a deceased benefactor and a sharp-tongued personality overseeing her inheritance. What more could you want? As contestants competed, there was plenty of backstabbing and squabbling. But the rules quickly became bewildering: it’s even now too complicated to explain what precisely was happening. Even more disappointingly, we only saw glimpses of the star via filmed videos. The series ended up smelling of a programme that was trying way too hard to live up to something way beyond it.

The Lena Dunham Romcom

How do you follow a show that defined a generation? The pressure was enormous for this glitzy romcom about Jessica, a rosy-eyed New Yorker who lands in London with a shattered romance. The star took her biggest role by the horns and was a delight to watch, reveling in Jane Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very glossy and, ironically, was insufficient. Plus, the sheer amount of celebrity friends involved felt uncomfortable.

The Sketch Show Return

Not even good enough to be ‘patchy’.

Given the shrewd inclusion of talented emerging comics, hopes were high. But unhappily, most of it didn’t land. A recurring sketch was a one-note joke milked to a dry pulp but recurring in every episode. One star seemed too ready to slip into a well-known ranting mode. The behind-the-scenes sketches, in contrast, simply inspired the thought that they should probably have remained in there a while longer.

The Twisted Tale of Amanda Knox

This dramatisation of the story of Amanda Knox was overseen by Amanda Knox and pretty much exclusively presented the perspective of Amanda Knox. So, while there probably is an interesting drama to be made about the tragic 2007 murder, this isn’t it. The subject matter needed to be handled with care. Instead, the series laboured awkwardly to find the right voice, lurching from oddly jaunty, somewhat stylised farce to inevitably, real-life horror. Twisted? Arguably. A complete mess? Very much so.

Prime Target

We admire the star … but did we buy him playing the most brilliant maths genius in history, a man so intelligent he’s on the verge of a breakthrough that could ruin society? Nope! This international thriller about secret services spying on – and killing off – intellectuals honestly got more absurd by the second. Formulaic nonsense.

1000 Men and Me: The Bonnie Blue Story

This hagiography followed the content creator notorious for sexual exploits as she undertook her biggest challenge yet. What on earth would possess her? What we wanted was far greater examination of her actual psychology, plus those of the men in the queue. They could at least have spoken to the legendary mum who appeared to haul her son out of the queue. What we got was disturbing imagery and zero interrogation of her infamy whatsoever. It's staggering to consider, the filmmaker has a young daughter too.